Post by allielouise on Sept 28, 2009 10:50:02 GMT -5
FELL OUT OF THE SKY TODAY,
LOST MYSELF ALONG THE WAY.
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“Not good, not good,” a childlike, soft voice mumbled through a murky, vacant street. “This is’na good at all!” Masami harrumphed, stomped a foot and hiccupped. It was early, much too early, in the morning. The street looked dirty, smelt dirty, was dirty. She was sore, her head hurt a thousand times worse than what she was used to, and she smelt like a tavern. She had no idea where she was, no one else was talking, a rat was staring at her, she was missing a glove, she couldn’t find Akiko’s katana and she was scared.
Scared that she was completely and utterly lost and no one would find her – even if there was someone who wanted to find her – and she would be lost forever in a dirty, grime covered street. She was scared that the others weren’t talking to her anymore because she had done something, something that she had entirely no idea of. She was scared of the rat, scared that it would bite her and then she’d catch rabies or the plague or some nasty, infectious bacteria that would kill her. She was scared she wouldn’t be able to find her glove and then Hitomi would yell at her for getting the body sunburned. And she was absolutely and completely terrified of what Akiko would do to her, if she couldn’t find her katana. She’d yell at her, scream at her, threaten her, try and lock her away in the mind with the other rejects. She’d never be allowed to collect dandelions or talk to Shizuka again about silly things that only she would tolerate; she wouldn’t be allowed to have some sort of twisted, confusing type of freedom of another person’s body and she wasn’t ever a person, Fumiko kept saying. She was a manifestation of a person someone thought was real, believed was real; she was a defense mechanism that was supposed to protect that person and not get lost in strange places and lose important things.
She hiccupped, again, and interrupted her moment of a deemed highly ridiculous, and yet oh so reasonable in her own words, panic attack.
She thought to herself, she did, because that’s what Fumiko and Shizuka always told her to do when she found herself in intense situations. From what she could remember, they always told her to breathe in and out, and then really think as best she could. Which was easy, right? She could think. She just had to stop, think rationally, and stop panicking. Because no matter how angry Akiko was going to be, or how disappointed the others could be, it’d just be even worse if she couldn’t pick herself up now and think. She started out by reciting her times tables. The ones, the twos, the threes and fours, and then eventually the elevens, and before she knew it, she was bored sick of them and wanted to think of something else. So she thought.
The rat had already scampered off after possibly assuming that she was already somebody else’s to kill. She couldn’t find her glove, and she doubted that she would, but she could just keep her hand in her pocket! Someone would talk to her eventually, or over take her control once her time was up. She could always make her way out of the strange place and find someone and ask them for help as to where she was. And Akiko’s katana? Well, she could look for it, certainly. She could look for it and she would find it and Akiko would therefore not yell at her and Masami would continue to collect all the dandelions she wanted!
Oh, yes, Masami was a mastermind. A true genius in the making.
She snickered and clapped, and nearly tripped over a box, but she eventually made her way out of the street – which happened to have been an alley way. She fell into an overly crowded, much too busy street that should have been a highway, instead.
Oh, yes, Masami was completely screwed. A true train wreck waiting to happen.
She fidgeted at the amount of people, swallowed nervously and imagined that she was safely being swallowed up by a hole in the ground, to be dragged down into a nice, dark hole where there wasn’t so many people – and, if she was lucky, none at all! She was fantasizing, again. At entirely the wrong place to fantasize. And she was utterly screwed, screwed, screwed. But she managed to remember her breathing exercises, and though she didn’t have a brown paper bag at hand, she thought she managed quite well. A few people bumped in to her, pushed past her, and scowled at her; but she imagined Akiko in there place and what she was maybe, quite possibly going to do to her, and those people seemed rather insignificant in comparison. She breathed in, smiled shakily, and breathed out lightly.
“Perfectly perfect,” she nodded assuredly, looking from side to side at the masses coming towards her and from her, passing by and changing directions and ducking into stores. Where in all of Japan was she? The others had only ever allowed her to be free in certain, small places where there weren’t as many people; where she wouldn’t screw up. “Perfectly perfect,” she repeated on a whisper, soundly a lot more timid then before. Her confidence had unknowingly been eaten and completely consumed by the people around her, and she felt, quite certainly, like she was going to faint.
notes, in case it’s confusing; ‘akiko’ has multiple personality disorder. akiko herself is actually one of these personalities, too. hitomi is the one supposed to be in control of the body, but after a bit of bad events in her history, she died inside and pretty much was just a shell of her old self. then she developed these personalities, which over the years have evolved into ‘manifestations’ into these things that know they’re not real, and that they’re just so called defense mechanisms. in truth, it’s just that because the disorder has been apart of her for so long (about a century, i s’pose), hitomi has come to recognize them for what they are, and since she essentially is them, it’s leaked into how these personalities ‘act’ and ‘see themselves’, if you could call it that. anyways, basically, it’s not the normal MPD character, i guess. i’ve never really been one for normal. and anyways, i better shut up. i talk about Akiko waaaaaay too much. the extent that she could be explained in would pretty much be better off as separate, long-winded post which i’m fairly positive no one wants to read. ohkaysdone. /crawls back into her cage.
music, my fan going ‘round and ‘round :D
time, half an hour.
after thoughts, e_e i forgot how foreign and confusing of a character she is, that it conflicts with her chances of being liked on a site. silly, silly, silly; should have kept her to stories and used mika instead D: